So, as a few of my friends know, I've been given to helping out a few unfortunate people.
One of those people is named Dot. That's not really her name, but she wishes to remain anonymous and she doesn't want the deep dark personal demons of her past exploited either and I've promised her that. This isn't about the dirt on Dot, but rather the tragedy of her situation.
She is a victim of Katrina and, in my opinion, a victim of alchoholism. At first, she rented a unit here at my storage facility and I/we soon found out that she was spending a LOT of time in the unit. Like LIVING time. She was caught sleeping in it several times and, after politely but firmly explaining to her that she couldn't continue doing so, it came time for her to either find another place or for us to turn the other cheek. For the sake of my job security, we'll just say she found another place.
But she often found her way back here either to talk and pass the time or to borrow money as she was often in need. And everyone who knows me knows... well, what do you know? That I've got "sucker" written atop my forehead? That my heart is softer than whipped cream and readily available on my sleeve? That Wal-Mart loves me because I keep returning to their Men's department to replace the shirt off my back that I keep giving out? Whatever analogy you wish to use, know this, I am so much more worried about my conscience which is far more critical of my actions than the part of my brain that's concerned with what other's think about me. Would that some other people in my past smoked the same left handed cigarettes that I apparently do.
Dot visits on occasion, usually because she needs a favor but every time she does, she loves to sit and chat. Understand that Dot has no tv, no job, no "busy" life to speak of filled with "important" errands and "critical" goals. The quotes equal sarcasm in case you're wondering. No, Dot's Things to do list is somewhat short and includes such mundane ambitions as Survival and Pass the Time. So when she gets the opportunity to bend someone's ear, she does so with great vigor. Unfortunately, another thing she does with even greater vigor is drink. And it is the combination of drink and her desire to share her dark past the helps me understand (careful, I said understand, not condone) her desire to drink.
See, Dot's had a shit life. Sure, perspective is a kaleidoscopic lens dependent on the eye of the beholder and anyone can say anyone has had a crap life. But it's my faith in your ability to read the heavy sarcasm and ridiculous understatement when I say that Dot's had a crap life. Without painting a detailed picture, I'll just drop keywords like Catholic, married, cheating husband and years later revelations of sexual abuse of a child by aforementioned winner of a husband which lead to death of said child when he was an adult. And according to her, this was just a taste.
So I bet you are wondering what the purpose of this post is, eh? No? No, you'd rather hear more about Dot. Well tough tater tots, this is MY blog: I had to get all this off my chest because I've been a couple of times accused of being an idiot. Some people I know, their names will remain anonymous, have shaken their collective heads at me and have bestowed upon me what is supposed to be some glorious revelation that I am a stupid head.
The purpose of this missive is to tell them/you, you/they are wrong! I'm not an idiot. I'm simply ME. This is who I am. This is what I do. Think about this for a minute. If I followed your advise and told Dot to piss off, does that sound like Mike Murphy to you? No. No, it's not me. Y'know what happens if I tell Dot to seek help elsewhere? Nothing. Nothing happens. Maybe she goes on about her way. Maybe she finds help elsewhere. Maybe she doesn't. Maybe she dies alone. Maybe mine is the last saving act that prolongs her life just a little bit more. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
I can't abide by "maybe" but hear me now, I will be God damned if I turn my back on someone and risk a negative outcome. I don't know where I stand religiously but it's not in me to ignore that saying that we've all heard as kids, just because I'm an adult. The saying? "Do onto others..." I don't even have to finish it because you can do it in your head.
Shake your head. Tell me to be careful and have faith that I will. I'm an adult. Yes, it would be tragic for something bad to happen, something beyond my control that jeopardizes my life and livelyhood and puts me in an untenable position. But I believe in God. I have faith in a higher power. It doesn't mean I'm gonna start walking into traffic or stepping of buildings. It just means that I believe God wants me to help.
If I find the Dot is continually abusing my help with no end in sight, then I'll take a different approach. But I don't want this to become the seed of an "I told you so" affair. I love, value and appreciate your care, your concern and most of all, your support. Almost all of my friends are married with children and it says something that if you are willing to stand behind me, your friend, even when I'm doing something unpopular to you, you will be able to do it when your own children are grown adults, making similar unpopular decisions all the while still needing your love and support.
Just think of this as practice.
